Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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