4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
