He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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