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You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
