There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
