Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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