Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
