I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
