I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
