Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
