i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
