Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
