i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
