Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
