Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
