well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think I sprained my soul last night
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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