ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
