Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
