There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
