I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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