i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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