Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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