i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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