You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
