Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
