What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
