We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
