it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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