i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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