I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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