He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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