Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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