Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
