Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
