giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
