there's paper in my vomit.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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