what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so much tequila, so little girl.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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