ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
