Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he fucked my hip out of place.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
