Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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