You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
