Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This baby is an asshole
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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