She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
