That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
