Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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