his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
