i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
