Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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