Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
