We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
