well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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