I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My balls are so social today.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
