i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
