Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
