i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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