How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
