Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
