KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
