Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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