we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
