I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
