Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
