hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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