I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
