took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
where are my eyebrows?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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