dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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