some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
