i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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