and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
